it's time for myself

2006-05-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

a journey to remember

may 12,2006.
we left for taiping.by bus.a BAS KILANG.it was soooooooooooooo freaking uncomfortable!!!and we paid like rm50 for the tickets!(thanks to akim)dem u BAS KILANG!
we didn't enjoy the ride. u knoe why? bcoz it was a fucking long journey.supposedly it will only take 4 hrs to reach taiping from kl.however the tortoise BAS KILANG made us suffer for about 6 to 7 hrs to taiping.
right. when we reach there, a couple of "mat terap" were trying to "be friends" with us.haha.they just ain't our type.haha.
kakzi came and brought us straight to the hall.the place was still messy with this and that not done.we did 3 arches. THREE.only the first one was good.the others were like...urmm..i dunno.haha.
it was 2 o'clock in the morning when we had our DINNER.i was the last one to sleep.after done doing berahinm's "inai"(what's inai in english anyways?), around 5 o'clock in the morning.

may 13, 2006

i woke up at 8.the weding went smoothly, only that i think it was not so "happening" as i thought it would be.and by the way, i was the maid of honour for the day.haha.
it's time to get back to kl.
kakzi sent us to the bus station and bought tickets for us.thanks kak zi!:P. the bus was sooooooooo much better than the BAS KILANG. obviously.duh.it was konsortium anyways.
the ride was good for the first one hour.THEN....

a loud bang was heard.and i saw a big tyre rolling next to our bus.
the tyre WAS from our bus.

there was a car stopped at the side of the highway.there was a guy standing behind the car.
the tyre rolled straight to the guy and knocked him down.poor that guy. i still think he's innocent.

the bus was losing its balance.i could hear the bus screeching and something smelled funny.
luckily the bus driver managed to control the bus and stopped at the side of the road.

i was scared and get off the bus as soon as i could.syimir was sleeping and she didn't see what happened.

the petrol was leaking. a lot.it was so like final destination.haha.that was what i thought.

the guy who was hit by the tyre was injured. a few bruises here and there.i'm still shocked by what had happened.
half an hour later, a few buses came and take us to kl.

i couldn't sleep. the bus was so COLD.

and that's the story.

2006-04-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

phew!!!pd trip was fun fun fun!!!heheh..i really enjoyed myself for the last few days.thanks to the comm n lecturers n all the alpha students. u guys roxx!!

ok.

the trip gave me plenty of time to think.think bout most of the things i've done. the good and the bad.in conclusion, i think i should stop. i mean, there is no use of continuing something useless.not the smoking part of course.hhaha.bad habits are hard to stop.this is something else i'm talking about. i think i live in a fantasy."it's a dream, it's a possibility".that song hit me straight to my face.

however,i should consider myself lucky i guess. i remebered my gud friend of mine used to say," it's better to be close and not getting what u want, than losing it." not getting and losing is two different matters to my p.o.v.i'm happy now.i guess.

i should stop dreaming and try to live in reality.

this "thing" sux i can tell u. i know most ppl dun understand a fuck what i wrote up there.haha. it's for my own good.the less u know the better.

2006-04-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

what have i done??!!
HOMG!
that was undeniably stupid
undoubtedly idiotic
incredibly carried away
dem

2006-04-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

today is my birthday.
happy birthday to me.
i've got a new piercing.
at my lower lip.
weeeeeeeeee

2006-04-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

am i doing the right thing?
or am i just doing the thing right? 

2006-04-06T00:37:00.000-07:00

i just finished my midterm exam just now.it was ok i guess.well, that's not the reason why am i writing this blog.it was something else.i'm just a bit angry with him.why didn't he tell me? was is so hard to tell me just that?so that i wouldn't fell so isolated.like being left behind.nobody tells anybody what's going on and this what will happen.i just began to feel a bit of "happiness" bout it, and then, the feel just went away. rindukamu.yes, i'm angry with YOU!

2006-03-30T07:53:00.000-08:00

i hate it. i hate it when ppl see me as someone's someone.even tho they know me and that means we are frens. i mean, i'm only his or her fren.it's like not directly connected to me. or am i just a chaperone? i dunno.they say it's what we called "frens".but hell not to me.it's not something new.it's the same old thing back to kys.they didnt know my name, they only knew i was someone's fren.seriously, i dun like it.this is one of the facts of life that just couldnt register into my brain.

and one more thing, when ...hmmm..how do i put this..erm..nvm.not in the mood to talk about it aledy.i just felt uncomfortable.i'm trying my best not to explode.

-silently pissed off-

p/s: if you think this is a pile of rubbish,then just close the window.tq.

2006-03-29T05:05:00.000-08:00

i want this to be remembered.i wrote it down quite a couple of weeks ago, but never typed it out. so here it goes.

when things are better left unsaid,
many hearts had swollen by internal conflicts,
the uneasiness,
the feeling of getting even,
vengeance,
and loathing towards one another,
will naturally grow,
in their little broken soul,
keeping everything to oneself,
is NOT a good option.

this is supposed to be one of my post last week.but again, i didn't typed it out.
emotionally disturbed
they just didnt get it, did they? a straight forward sarcasm is noat really understood by some ppl. I AM MAD. like really mad. right now, i'm trying my best to control my anger.seriously.i could feel my chest bursting with anger.disappointment.fuck. i dont want to admit it. being fair? life ISNT fair. and if it's fair, then it's not life. what am i crapping?!i dunno what is exactly i wanted them to UNDERSTAND. i dunno how to say it.sarcasm is never understood. right.i want to go to class now. end of story.later.

2006-03-20T21:18:00.000-08:00

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i saw orange guy again today.
that was the second time this sem.
wooohhooo!!!

2006-03-17T03:00:00.001-08:00

today i felt like crying.i felt so tensed up.first of all, i woke up late because i slept at 6 o'clock in the morning.the class was at 10 a.m.then, everyone seemed to skipped the class.i was left alone , but thanks to nini, we went to class together.the class was so damn boring. i dun even understand afucking thing he said.and those alis are just annoying.i was so bored that i wrote a poem. malay ones.here how it goes:

title:kebosanan yang melampau

sendirian aku terpaku di lantai keras
sunyi
bunyi-bunyian berdengung
sumpah aku tidak paham
tiada tujuan
disoriented
tiada konsentrasi
irritated
aku benci ini
tuhan,
tolong.

haha. i knoe that was lame but who cares anyway?after class i went to see syimir.she was still sleeping.ceh.i dunno why, but i think her bed has some kind of drugs or something. i felt so sleepy instantly.hhehe.i slept until 5 p.m.

i woke up when syimir yelled at me.she said my name is on the list.the warning list of not attending cg class.oh fuck!i'm not barred from taking exams unless i absent for just one more time.as long as i remembered i only missed class 2 times.lecture.weird huh?but there are ppl who went to class less than i do but their names are not in the list. i felt a burst of anger for quite a moment. i was mad at everyone.then a small voice inside me said, it's my fault i didnt go to class.i have to be responsible of my doings.

i went up to my room and i saw something disturbing in the ym.and lina wasn't here. aiman too. syimir was nowhere to be found. i felt lonely. felt like crying. seriously..i want to get out. to places where ppl dun even knoe me.and i dun knoe them.

god, help me.

oh. only one thing cheered me up today. i saw orange guy after ages.hehe.he's changed from the last time i saw him.i'm happy.then.not now.

i've once read someone wrote" life suck. so, suck it up and live with it"

hmmm.
i want to get out.

2006-02-23T14:30:00.000-08:00

terrible,horrible,disaster,
shitty,wasted,
dissappointed,

dissatisfied,
tired,ashamed,frustrated.

all in one fucking nite.

2006-02-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

yesterday we went jamming.and we did play a song.hehe.we spent the whole one hour for the freaking one song-possibility.thanks guys for the support!!!haha..i did enjoy myself.the gurls are great!alya the drummer, elle played the bass, syimir vocalist, me and elin have our hands on the guitar.we were not that bad i guess.for the first timers.hehe.well, that's the only thing that i really enjoyed yeaterday.and ya, not to forget the dance.it's tiring but fun!

earlier that day, i wasn't that happy.i heard ppl talking bout me that i dun like it.seriously.if u have any doubts or anything, ask me straight to my face.boy i hate it.

and now, i'm having this stupid flu!gosh!and i'm kinda flat broke rite now.help me...sob sob

2006-02-06T05:46:00.000-08:00

me, tania and barbs.
batch of 0004
i'm missing someone rite now.her name is barbara.she's my gud fren.i dunno why but somehow i wanted to see her terribly.that was us, me tania n barbs in the train to thailand.we had been through the greatest and the worst moments together, thick and thin, joy and sorrow.haih~oh boy, i mish her...i remembered when we were in form one.how silly were we.and not to forget, tania.the three of us.we are all different in every single aspect, and yet we were so close.life in kysm was the greatest so far.when we were still young and naive.we did stupid stuff and laughed it out loud.if u guys(barbie n tania) were reading this blog, do u guys still remember the "powerpuff girls"? i do.it was dumb but we enjoyed it.sports day, talentime, bangkok, SPM....suddenly all the memories came to my mind.i miss life in kysm.when everything was so different.compared to a few years back then, i was different.seriously.i wasn't someone that u see today. mebbe experience has changed me or was it something else?i'm not sure. one thing that i'm very sure of is that i'm not the old me.hey barbs!i have so many things to tell u.things that i wouldn't dare to speak it out to another soul.come to cyber lor..

2006-01-07T11:02:00.000-08:00

well, well, well...
some ppl are just revealing their true colors lately..i noticed afew of them.some in a good way, some are not.haih~it's none of my business anyway.i guess i've done my part, the rest is up to them.it's disturbing me somehow.i'm worried for no apparent reason. a bit of uneasiness, insecurity, guilt,dissappointment and perhaps jealousy.it's hard to explain, but to ppl who knew, they know.i hope so much that the worst is out of sight.they are my frens afterall..and that makes it even hard to say.frens.gud frens.i think, i've spoken enough.but i'm still worried.to be blamed on...arghhh..i cant imagine.bad. this is bad.well, it's none of my business.i shud just buzz off.
*i dun care anymore* is dedicated to you.

2006-01-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

don't read.

i felt that a huge burden just fell off my shoulder. i let it out and now it's not disturbing me anymore.just one more.but ...nvm.mebbe i shud just stay out of the picture.oh ya!happy new year!!!!wuhuu..!!i celebrated new yr at genting.it was out of the plan at first.dunno whose idea was that.we just tawaffed(wrong grammar, i knoe..it's not exist pon) the place. up and down the hill, round and round and we came back at the same place.haih~then we went back till afternoon...n dats my new year...actually, i have other things to say...erm...i kinda...forget.nvm, next time la..till den,,,,adios!

2005-12-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

how do i start dis..hmm.. rite now, i'm feeling really down..really really sad.i've never felt this sad before.friendship suxx..dat's for sure when things like these happened.mebbe i'm not a gud fren when i'm trying to be one.wut the heck.u could never understand.i felt unappreciated, regretted, stupid and sad.ppl don't understand.they never do.to whoever is involved, i'm truly sorry for wut i've done.somebody said that it's a gud intention but ive done it in a wrong way.some said that is totally wrong and no fren shud ever do dat to one another.but ppl, try to put urself in my position...nah..nvm.wut for anyway.a lot of things happened.rarely gud things happpened lately.every cloud has silver lining, rite?this is just a process of being mature in life.i've learn alot though.wutever it is, i think i've done my part, the rest is up to you.it's ur rights anyway.hopefully this post wouldn't offended anyone.

2005-12-03T11:31:00.000-08:00

i felt really irritated.yeah..maybe bcoz i get irritated easily but wut happened just now was just too much for me. i dun care wut u say but i was really annoyed. i just couldn't stand ppl looking or more precisely staring at me with that kind of look.it's disturbing i'm telling u.and the reaction, the body language just made me wanna say straight on their face, " hey, u r no better than me, dude!".that is one thing, the words are another story.i've posted before that words are killer and that is totally true.wut do they think they are?mr perfect?HELLO!!!yikes!i dunno why i get really pissed off over this small matter.it just annoyed me!and one more thing, the manners. it seems taht ppl nowadays really need ettiquette lessons.they have to learn to say "pls"and "thank you".sometimes, when i did something i dun expect them to repay or anything.just a simple "thank you" or if it's too long a word, " thanks" could be enough for me.and those simple words are just hard to say.that is sad.really sad.come on ppl!dun let this be our habits!we are courteous malaysians, aren't we?

2005-11-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

ouch.it hurts.n dat was the second time.dun ask.i feel like shit.

2005-11-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

damn.
i have to play futsal for upg.
suxx.
i dun even knoe a fuck bout futsal.
n i dun ven like it.
haih~

2005-11-20T20:08:00.000-08:00

words are powerful weapon.it could kill deep inside u..but it could heal ur wounds as well,and i believe it. it's not a matter of gender who are mostly affected by words.it's the same.dun tell me guys out there have no heart, no feelings.the difference is that how we take it.i hope i am not that blunt with ppl around me because i dun wanna be treated bluntly.it's my belief that wut goes around comes around. God pays cash, if u knoe wut i'm saying.but, i have to admit it that i did say things that might hurt others also.i'm sorry, sometimes i could not help it.yeah...somethings r better left unsaid.true, but u cannot keep things all to urself either.hmm...mebbe living wif human beings is the problem..because we have feelings.we have to jaga hati everyone, please everyone but sometimes we failed to meet ppl expectations.well, wut i'm saying up there is honestly from my heart.no offense.

2005-11-13T19:12:00.000-08:00

i hate saddam

read this and u'll agree wif me

"they took me away from my home

they slapped me when i cried out for my children

they imprisoned me

they accused me of crimes i had never committed

they interrogated me with their harsh accusations

they tortured me with their cruel hands

they stubbed out cigarettes on my flesh

they cut out my tongue

they raped me

they cut off my breasts

i wept alone, in pain and in fear

they sentenced me to die

they staked me to the wall

i begged for mercy

they shot me between my eyes

they dumped my body in a shallow grave

they buried me without a shroud

after my death, they discovered i was innocent"

-taken from:" mayada, daughter of iraq"-

dis is a poem by a women who was being brutalize under saddam cruel tyranny. dis poem was etched in the wall of baladiyat prison, iraq.some poor, suffering, nameless woman died there.someone memorize her poem, wishing to keep some small part of her alive.

2005-10-30T23:18:00.000-08:00

the results are out!!!!!!

alhamdulillah i passed all the papers

the pointer is quite gud, i think

at least it passes the requirement

hmmm..

that's all folks!

peaceout

2005-10-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

"....those were the days my frens..."

mary hopkins

aaa

these are the " menachis"

name ourselves for the significant nose stud

hehhehe

i'm now at elin's

2moro i'll be back home

haih~

can't imagine d boringness dat i'll face at home

haih~

wish i could join them to kedah

haih~

can't wait for d next trimester

dat's it for now

syimir needs to use the pc

till then

CHIOW!

2005-10-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

last day...

today is the last day

the final day after 4 months i've been in mmu

my sis will pick me up in a couple of hrs

haih~

how fast time flies

suddenly i remembered the time when we first know each other

the orientation

the first few weeks..

the court

hb3

hassan

jambatan

jamming

sate kajang

we've been through alot of things

the happy days...

the mundane days..

sad sad days..

i'll miss u guys!

2005-10-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

i'm doomed...
the exam is finally over
yet i dun feel so relieved
i feel like shit
regret
stupid
forgetful
useless
arrgghhhhhhh
i knoe i could've done better
i lost my battle
i gave up too easily
but i'm proud of one thing
i walk my talk
but wut's the use
i'm doomed
i. am. so .fuckin. doomed
i dun want to repeat this trimester
i dun want my allowance to be cut down by 25%
*sigh*
i wanna go home
but too lazy to pack
i knoe i'm gonna miss my frens
a lot
they are wonderful
even some are not
but it's okay
they brightened my life
thanx guys!
plss....someone pack my stuff!

2005-10-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

i'm fuckin bored rite now

dunno wut to do

my roomie just went out

and left the room all to myself

*sigh*

recently

many unexpected things happened

unpleasant things

frens and family

we used to be so close bonded

we had great times together

now

it seems to web away

something i wished din happened to us

but it just did

*sigh*

and i really dunno how to fix it

mebbe i just couldn't

or shuldn't do it

i hate the feeling of " REGRET"

it sux

makes u feel really really bad

regretting over spoilt milk

just couldn't make things any better

how i wish things will get to normal again

how i wish...